My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
