is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
