I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
