Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
