I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
