The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
