i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
