yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
