Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish there were birth control emojis
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
