He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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