the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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