Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my sisters under your porch take her home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
