so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
