You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
