it was like his penis was on wheels.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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