If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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