You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
