You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
