Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
