Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
