Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
