think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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