do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is my gift to your gina
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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