I'm drive I can fine osifer
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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