Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
