i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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