honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
