I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
