just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
