cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
