Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
