I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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