he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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