Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror

(906): View more from Michigan

its going to be a good night

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(989): View more from Michigan

there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Fuck off. Since when do you love him??

(212): View more from New York

Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that

(440): View more from Ohio

Can't even lie. Mad respect

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."

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