We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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