i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples