i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?