Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.