winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party