so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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