i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
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what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
there is glitter all over my balls
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