told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
