Do you still have your period?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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