I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im holly from the hills drunk
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She bit a glass in half.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
