I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
