even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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