"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
