he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
