i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I love having hate sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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