i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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