I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
