Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
