Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
