We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
her vagine was all disorganized.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
