youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
