Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
