whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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