420 ftw
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
