I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you would pick up someone in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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