You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
