I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
