Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
