Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Panties = found
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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