She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
