some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
