i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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