i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
