maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
